The Lope: Golgotha Fun Park

Thursday, March 20, 2008

Golgotha Fun Park

"Golgotha Fun Park" - say it with me now.

Say it aloud if you can; turn over the words in your mouth and taste the surreal quality of the combination. Pull the words apart and try to put them back together. See if they don't repel each other like magnetic Scottie dogs.

You can't make this stuff up. Golgotha Fun Park is a now-defunct miniature golf course in Cave City, Kentucky, which was named after the place where Jesus Christ met a painful death by crucifixion.

Here, concrete figures I've dubbed Red Jesus and Blue Jesus wait to forgive you for your bad putts.

Golgotha Fun Park really is situated on a hill, like its namesake may or may not have been. Here's the view of the rolling Kentucky hills on the other side of Mammoth Cave Road from the parking lot.

Mammoth Cave National Park is the big tourist draw of the area, around which tourist traps like Golgotha Fun Park sprang up.

We were in town with a bunch of friends and family for a visit to Wigwam Village #2 in September of 2007.

Back at Golgotha, the ten commandments flank this dilapidated green. Apparently the first nine holes of the course were oriented around the Old Testament, with the remaining devoted to the New Testament.

Nobody was in the park's building to answer our questions and there isn't much signage left, but there once was one that read " America's #1 Shaded Biblical Mini-Golf."

Indeed, things keep disappearing from the course. When I first saw it in 2002, this whale had a lawn ornament Jonah to give it context.

The park once had three Calvary crosses and a Noah's ark as an obstacle. I think this whale is probably the coolest thing they ever used, so I'm glad it had remained.

I fear there will be no resurrection for the links watched-over by Blue Jesus. From what I can tell, the New Testament holes were less customized and used mostly lawn ornaments.

According to Roadside America, the course opened in 1992. Tips to that site indicate it faltered in 2001, closed in 2002 and is now for sale.

Ace's pal Debra Jane Seltzer reports on her website that "In 2007, it was announced that the property would be transformed into a dinner theatre and a haunted mine attraction." Alas, unemployment will continue for White Jesus and this angel.

At least the dinner patrons will have a nice view of walking steak.

The Golgotha Fun Park sign is worth one more look, just for the words.

We at The Lope wish you a pleasant Good Friday, a rewarding equinox and a fine Easter weekend. Just be careful with those eggs.


Anonymous Michelle said...

Incredible the wacky ideas people come up with. Can you imagine taking the business plan for this place to the bank to ask for a loan??? That must have been an interesting conversation. Can't say I would ever have thought to mention Golgotha and family fun in the same sentence. The two just don't sound like a good marriage of words or business name. I think I'd feel like I was being sacriligious playing golf there...not that Jesus doesn't play golf. I'm just sayin....

Tue Apr 19, 10:52:00 PM  
Anonymous antonia felix said...

I drove past the Golgotha Fun Park years ago on a road trip and was flabbergasted just by the sign. Thanks for posting the pictures of all the thrilling accoutrements; I will pass this along to all my friends who didn't believe me.

Wonderful writing. Who the heck are you?

Thu Feb 20, 01:39:00 PM  
Blogger Ace Jackalope said...

Why, thank you, Antonia. I'm just a guy with a camera, a jackalope and occasionally a muffler man head in the back of the truck.

Wed Mar 12, 12:29:00 AM  

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