Dear Guest - Don't Steal our Stuff

Next to the obligatory plastic cups and the sign offering free toothpaste to forgetful travelers was this plastic sign in my room at the Gainesville, Texas, Quality Inn a couple weeks ago. One could almost be offended that they're implying you might take something.

I mean, who steals a generic Quality Inn item anyway? Quality Inn, mind you.

Maybe people who fancy they need a towel or a hair dryer take them. I think if I stole something like that, it'd end up being the tell-tale hair dryer, revealing itself to the Interstate Hotel Stuff Police after I screamed "dissemble no more! I admit the deed! - open my cabinets! here, here! - It is the whirring of the hideous hair dryer!"

I was tempted about 20 years ago when I stayed at the Dinosaur Inn in Vernal, Utah, and they had these dinosaur logo-printed pillow cases. With some effort, I hunted down the head housekeeper and she apologetically told me she'd have to charge four dollars. I've seldom forked over four bucks faster.

Of course, I did inherit a Holiday Inn ashtray with the cool googie sign printed on it from one of my relatives and I don't think Holiday Inn sold those things, so maybe I'd better get off my moral high horse.